Greenwitch

It 2.am here and I have terrible tummy pain, not sure whats going on....I have been very stressed since the 17th and the news that Keith has been made redundant for the 2nd time in 6 months but more than that its the whole change again, I feel so mad at the loss of the dreams we had planned for here and how life can change at the flick of a switch.

I cannot go into all that is going on in my neither regions but all I can say is I have a major blockage in my base chakra, which is linked to survival mode., and so my period seems to be happening but inside my womb and not coming out, it feels like i am misscarrying ..

the thought of a new town , experience and house in the past filled me with excitement but this time I feel deeply depressed and dark and moody , just wanting to crawl into a whole and hibernate.

Today we travel up to Oxfordshire to spend Christmas with family and then on the 27th we have family around for Michelle's birthday and then by the 28th we are finally free to just relax and absorb, we kinda skipped Christmas this year emotionally...I wish the new year would come and this one hurry up and finish now !

Also find that people's prattle/lip service is so irritating, its not a bad thing Angela change is good and I smile and say thanks but in my head I am thinking...yes fuckwit and if you where in my shoes you would be crapping in your pants !

Its so funny to get advice about moving to a new situation from someone who has been in the same house for the last 30 years or emotional strategies from someone that is as dead emotionally as a doorknob or support from someone who is totally self absorbed and come to talk to you and end up talking about themselves allll of the time.

We all know the right things to say and do, when someone dies or loses a job or or or but can we ever just be mature enough to say right now my situation sucks and I just need to grovel in my misery for a few days....

but to balance the misery

tomorrow is Christmas and we have some really cool gifts for one another and we even bough gifts for ourselves, one of mine was my first raw cake from Kate Wood and I loove it, it somehow feeds my emotions ! I m eating lots of suma, maca and camu camu berry and feeling so blessed to have these superfoods in my life.

K probably has a new job and its waaaayyy more ethical than before which is something we wanted, the shoes are organic and biodegradable and a large chunk of the profits will go to running a charity called "The sole of Africa" the factories are in SA but i will tell you more ...or you can look up Terra Planna on line and they are offering K a bIIIIGGG roll in the company, and the shoes are good for you, spine alignment.

we have money and so my planning of cash to carefully get through DEC so that we had cash in Jan to still do stuff and keep spirits high as we enter the worst two months of the year, weather wise, is null and void and we have moved from a feeling of is this depression going to effect us to more money than we have ever had before....IF everything all works out.

we probably will be going to SA for a holiday soon and I will get to see my beloved grandparents after 5 long years and once again we have enough cash to show kids around SA the way we wanted to, Kruger Park and other African experiences that are part of their heritage but they do not remember.

and lastly after all that blabber my cramps have eased and I am going to take my grump ass back to bed.