Greenwitch

My findings so far on adoption....is that the process to getting there is going to be a huge learning curve for me. So I shall blog about it and then realise it to the universe, if this is meant to be we will have made a difference in a child's life at the end of it and added to our family , if not I will have learned more about myself and will be able to sleep at night with the peace in my heart that I tried.

So lets go to the beginning.......why ?

I truly believe that the only way forward, is to regroup into more village like environments, whether, its step fathers or brother and sisters from Divorce, step grandparents other aunties, the combinations of add on families is endless, so long as there are people...extended families , we as humans are happier more rounded people, we are even healthier and live longer.

Is it because I am needy and can't move on from mommy mode......no and yes. I feel that I am a good mother, I am able to read most people like open books, most of the time....why ? because I look, if I had to say one good quality I feel I have its that I am not self absorbed.....(even though my blog is all about me ha ha )

I love being a mother but not more than I love being a daughter or friend.

I am in mommy mode I have two children yes they are 10 ans 12 and not toddlers , does that mean I should be moving on....according to every one else, YES.

You should be looking at working to get more money, so that we can leave the kids with other people on their holidays and Keith and I go traveling just the two of us, and I have to apologise for not wanting that, I still want my children with me , even in a fancy restaurant and I will want that until I am dead.

I do not want better clothes, I do not want, a bigger home, more cares , just more more more. I want to love and be loved.

I am then told that's wrong they have to be individuals and you have to learn to let go and I just don't get it, my kids are the most independent kids I know, they cannot wait to go traveling alone and exploring and learning, they cannot wait to find love in a mate and explore relaytionships, they have their own ideas on food, news, politics and life.

I honestly feel its because they know in their hearts and souls that we will always be here for them, that's our job, that's our sacred contract we signed when we conceived them.

And that's the sacred contract I am offering another child and in my heart I do not visualise her wrapping her arms around me as a baby ( although I will love that moment ) I visualise the happy functional human being that loves life and herself as a beautiful adult women.

But I do not like institutions, that's why I home schooled and so why why why am I walking into the doors of a massive institutional tango ?

because the statistics are terrible, huge numbers of children are in foster care in the UK and less than 10% are adopted each year and more are added each year. If you are very very lucky you are offered a healthy one year old at the end of you 3 to 10 year wait. but most kids are 4 due to paper work at which stage they are withdrawn and have developmental problems caused by being in care and so are deemed " special needs " by the time they are 8 they have moved around a little and often have experience some kind of abuse.....yes in care ?

BUT if you are willing to take a sibling group or special needs or older child...it all happens faster. How do you bond with 3 kids at the same time ?

Why can't they get babies to parents without the wait if you have been an approved adopter for more than a year. I just don't understand it !

When you say I will not take a special needs child as I feel it will be to disruptive to my family they ask you why what prejudice to you have against people with special needs....I don't , i just don't feel that I am qualified to look after such children and in my heart I cry for all the healthy children in care. Do you know that 50% of boys in foster care end up in jail by 17 and the pregnancy rate in the girls is staggering.

They pay foster carers, they help out with sibling groups and special needs children but you are almost discouraged from wanting a healthy one year old or younger, " well we won't help financially ! " I AM NOT INTERESTED IN MONEY, CHOP, I AM INTERESTED IN ADOPTION.

Our first phone call appointment was delayed until Monday as she was "in training" on Friday so I got to speak to 3 other people who could but give general information and our first introduction evening is 20 of NOV. Name of the game "WAITING."

and my motto " I will not give in that easily "