Greenwitch

I am always so pleased to link up with people on face book and see what they have been up to and it reminds me of who I am and where I have been and what makes me me.

And I am filled with joy at the possibility of sharing and corresponding and feeding each other but I feel disappointed tonight as it comes as a bitter sweet lesson that I have changed so much and I always was different.

I listen as they talk about the things they do and eat and play with , i listen as they talk about what worries them and it's soooo hard to just sympathize and encourage but not give any advice I just dodge the question when they ask me what would you do...............as I realize I am as alien to them as they are to me.

You try me on for size....................I sit tonight and rub green slimy henna into my long hair so that my reflection in the mirror begins to look like a mad women and i love the cool smooth earthy paste. I ate a melon from Italy for pudding and it was sooo wonderful, so sweet it tasted like honey and i wonder how someone could say no thank you I would rather have a drink. The juice runs down my chin and fingers as I do not like using metal on the fruit it changes the taste, only my fingers.

I sit quietly and listen to the wind and feel the waning moon ....its the autumn equinox tomorrow , I think, I can't wait to redecorate my altar, I think about the smell of vanilla.

I bath and think if my baby was 10 mnths like my friend on facebook i would never leave him with another, i think about him in a cot in his own bedroom and my heart aches, such little understanding of what it means to be held, the sacredness of the first year of life, I think about the rice cereal children at this age eat and sugar and food in a glass jar that has been there a month and cooked in a factory and I shudder.

I bath and play in the water as Rowan jumps up on the side of the bath trying to lick all the water off my shoulder and hands and i close my eyes and enjoy the primal comfort.

I get out the bath and as I wash it , still naked , a trickle of blood runs down my thigh and down my calve and on to the tile floor and I think how interesting that Michelle and I now share our moontime, how we are always in sink and I think about women in the red tent(Bedouin) painting henna on their hands in beautiful swirls, you cannot paint your own you need a sister to paint it for you and you for her and funny that it takes about 28 days to fade ready for the next cycle to begin, like a memory, this comes to me, I did not read it in a book, i do not even know if it is true, its like a memory, I'll look it up on line.

I want to work in the greenhouse but tomorrow is going to be busy and I think about all the people out tonight drinking and dancing and clubbing and fighting and it so still here, tall trees all around the house like a halo of protection , the stream running at the bottom of the garden the stars so clear in the crisp night. I feel so connected, so plugged in, so alive and aware. but this is my unbalance, this is my stumbling block, I am not from this society, I am tribal/primal/savage to my very core.