Greenwitch

Michelle and I woke this morning to find that we had dreamt the same dream about a house, our new house, both saw a large window in her room and an open plan kitchen/lounge, wonder how long it will take to manifest ? I really want to be out of Watlington now.

Jeremy was falling apart with depression on 1st of January, 2nd of Feb he was in South africa and reunited with a friend from a while back , 3rd of March he told us he was in love with her and told the whole village including the priest. 4th of April he told us he was engaged and 3rd of May is the Wedding ceremony. All this time except for one week she has been in South Africa.

I am not overly upset by this all, just sharing whats on my mind.

there are so many ways I tell if a couple is right for each other and these two don't fit at all, I feel sorry for her actually as she sounds like a nice person. Can't really tell you why it bugs me so but the simple answer to the question is because its all wrong the timing the people and the circumstances but more than that it has shown that jeremy is not the wonderful balance person, Godly Man that I thought he was , and this knocking off his pedistal is maybe what has upset me, I know he is only human, but he has gone on and on about what he believes and what a wonderful man he is in comparrison to most blah blah blah, I have relised that the faith he proclaims to the world, he has very little actual knowledge in.

As for emotional issues he is as retarded as the next man, and once again I am reminded that the one who is constantly on about a certain topic is usually the one struggling with that issue. He is also very condesending and contantly jibes at me , with nasty little words, I know 4 men that I think very highly of, they are gentlemen and they never feel the need to "tease" or make insensitive comments.

As I have said many times before its the Christians themselves who have put me off Christianity.

I know this blog does not make much sence as i don't really want to use exact examples , just incase, I don't want to hurt him and therefore it would be better to make a little bit of distance between us , we live soooo close, i see him everyday, and wonder when this female gets here, if it will be left to me to show her shops and help with house and invites for coffee and i just feel soooo put off.

En ek sal mere afrikaans begin om te prat, van J het ge se dat sy prat nie englse so mooi nie, ek sukkle om de tal vere op te tell, dit is lankal terug dat ek in die school was en dit is entlik to eenigste plak dat ek afrikaans geprat het, ek het die kinders geleer hoe om Dankie Chrise te se.En hoefel keer J se jy sal van har hoe vant say is afrikaans nes soos jy sal my nie afrikaans make van ek is a englise meise kind. Ha ha ek is no nie mere a meise kind en ek is vir seker nie and afrikaans se tanie !

I realise that Mother-in law is looking at this and saying "well its because you are used to being the only women there and you don't want to give that up" and if you are reading this that is your issues not mine, I am happy to walk away and never see anyone other than Dad in the Austin /bell family again and it would not bother me in the least. I have been there for j as much as i could and have learnt the lessons i needed to from the experiance, i just wish i was leaving without so much disappointment.

It was me who packed his wives things at the hospital the night she died , it was me who drove him home and made all the phones call, to organise the funeral, it was me who worked my ass off at the funeral, it was me who clean his house and dried the tears and helped him hold it all together and without is smidge of recognition from any of you I am happy to walk away and leave the lot of you lonely disfuntional aragont knowalls in the dust behind me. I will find a Family group where the giving and caring is mutual.

Michelle sits in meditation at the moment, David has been outside in the fields since early morning he has not even eaten, playing with his best friend on the edge of the sheep fields, hubby is back so I slept well last night and i have almost finished a good houseclean, so the house energy is good for our weekend in the allotment and greenhouse and a picnic in the bluebells.

May the goddess bless us all and continue to show me the way, for we need Souls around us that are older than these.May I continue to learn compassion and realise we are all lerning our own lessons, may i learnt to be a little more self absorbed so that my focus is more on my development and need for improvment instead of standing with my mouth a gap ( lower lip on the floor) as a look at all the dum fucks around me .