Greenwitch

I will start recording what i eat today and then will write it up tomorrow and so on and so on , I have weighed myself and already done something I did not want to, but this is still about being gentle with myself and watching the shift as opposed to forcing anything.

Yesterday afternoon I popped into a neighbour and she poured me a cup of fresh coffee the smell was so nice and it's still soo tempting ( it's so addictive which is why I know it's bad for you) and as with alcohol you wake up with a sore head well I woke with a strong craving for coffee, so I had a cup of decaf. and have thrown the rest away and next time will say no thank you.Moving straight on to my fruit breakfast.and lots of water to get rid of the coffee.

But that brings me to emotions last night.....I had a strange feeling yesterday that I was supposed to do something, so when kids got home I ambled down to a friends house, her daughters are here for easter and I felt like I was intruding put she ushered me in as they always do, happy to see me and let me join in their family and so we finished helping Elsa with all her family preparations, she is German and so I fit in ( having spent my school years with a German stepdad and his family) even when they speak German I can understand and sometimes when I am feeling brave answer. The house was beautifully decorated and warm and we sat down to coffee with dinner in the oven, Elsa saying Ya goodd now we hav a hourrr to talk, Ya !

And so some how her daughter sat next to me and just started sharing from her thoughts on christianity , to why she is a christian and wanting to know what we believe about this and that in the bible and where things are written and how to explain concepts to others, it was funny to put on that mask again and answer her in terms she would understand, what her church is teaching her and keep my opinions to myself, as I was not their to convert her to thinking how I think but to enriching what she thinks and what brings her comfort and happinness , her truth. She was very grateful and kept saying WOW I din't know that, and WOW I now understand.

At this time I looked at her aura and her eyes and skin tone, colour variations in her face and the skin on her hands and then the conversation shifted and she started sharing real heartbreaking stuff, and the tears flowed and I just sat and asked her " what did this feel like and what was your coping stategie" and she talked for two hours.

Then Hubby phoned their house and chatted to Colin, telling him to send the wench home, which was funny but it kinda broke the spell and i looked at her and her eyes had gone from a pale blue to a dark blue and her cheeks where pink and her aura had softened and seemed more together/connected.

All this time David had been playing outside with her very demanding 7 years old son and everyone kept sayin how beautifully peaceful their house had suddenly become and so she kissed me goodbye and thanked me for not only listening but indirectly babysitting too for two hours , giving the men a chance to sit and chat in the lounge.

And as I was walking up the street I suddenly felt my body and spirit do a wobble but when I saw that hubby was already home , I got distracted and then walked in and kids had made a mess of the lounge and I was suddenly hit by the fact that, I was feeling very drained and had left them all peaceful and in a warm beautiful home, with dinner prepared and I had come home to a house with no energy ( as i have said of this house before) no dinner, a big mess and me doing a wobbly . So I had my cry on Hubbys shoulder, expressing the need for warm family connections, like i had just seen and then got to work , cleaning the lounge , bathing kids, and putting a clean yeallow table cloth on the kitchen table the only thing eastery that I could find.Making dinner BUT I WAS SOOO TIRED BY 10 PM , that there where more tears at bedtime.

And so my question today is how do i find the balance of helping other but not letting them drain me completely and how do I, on my own, raise a family with no support structure, especially when I am in need of that support.

Any ideas ?