Greenwitch

A funny realization happened this morning .

I have always wondered, why the moms at school give me a wide berth and started thinking maybe it's because I,m so critical, which I am especially when it comes to children, I so often see kids being treated badly, like at tesco " sit down ! ( in a wired seat on a little bums with not much padding for what 40 min. ? ) bored out of their minds.

I STILL see coke in a bottle and bottled friut juices but it's the total dismisal of their rights as little humans that get to me and yet I believe in a very strict routine, monkeys go to bed with their family in a family bed when it gets dark, most kids in Davids class go to bed at 11 pm ! They ask the kids and the parents and these people just say " don't you tell us what to do with our families, I'm the man I,m in charge blah blah blah but they are so out of balance and so not in control ahhhhhhhhhh.

So even when i am not actually criticising my actions critisize them, people get really annoyed for instance, Michelle decided in her campaine to make more friends at school that she wants to eat in the canteen, which poses a problem , " what do i eat, mom ? " So yesterday she ordered something( hearing problems don't not help the situation) a vegetable pie and she got cottage pie, so she said to the lady behind the counter yuk ! whats that ? and that she was not eating it as it was unacceptable to her. Well needless to say she got into trouble for being RUDE to the assistant. I told her she should not have used the word unacceptable but that she was not wrong to give it back.

OK so I had wondered perticularly why Davids best friends mother regardless of how many times I say hello and smiled would just nod at me and walk away, David kept telling that he thinks she is really pretty and that she is fun when at home cause she dances around to loud music and likes doing similar things to me, and her son spends most afternoons in my home( so why the barrier ? )

Then yesterday I heard the two of them whispering. whisper whisper "problem "whisper whisper "is that why you where not at school today?" whisper whisper "don't tell any body!" So i said nothing but watched VERY carefully.

Then this morning after Shell left for school D hung around , chatting about swimming and then told me, that on sunday night, something bad happened at Aarons house and the police got involved and his mother had to leave for the night and the police took his step dad and the boys where left at home so not knowing what to do in the morning they decided they would stay at home.

My heart really goes out to these kids but do I really want D caught up in all this unhappiness ? This morning he actually looked green ! So I gave him a big hug and a kiss in the eye and some echinacea drops ( darn should have added rescue) and told him we loved him lots and can only hope for the best.

I know I should have stood firm and homeschooled him until high school and now because others pushed me instead of supported me, David has to deal with all this shit.

Balanced children in an unbalanced enviroment still does not work !

So it was Aarons mothers own insecurities that kept her away , why do I always think the fault lies with me, when will I learn this lesson ? I can think of soooo many times someone has said something to me and later i have relized it had nothing to do with me it was THERE hang ups that they where projecting on to me and yet when it happens in the present moment I fall for it again and again.