Greenwitch

Kids are home for a spring break, it's nice to have them here.

Read an article this morning on how sugar and insulin effect our bodies and how uninformed the medical world still is. Insulin injections just suppress the reaction to insulin they don't heal.

I stood outside last night in the middle of the field while dogs ran around playing instead of doing what they where suppossed to and the sky was crystal clear and the stars where amazing and i just felt so small, our knowledge of the universe is so limited.

The other thing i wanted to write about is this friday is the 22nd the day i ended up in hospital last year . I am REALLY shocked that i am still not better a year later. I do have hope.

The problem is , if i had to face another death of a loved one , would i react differently this time or would it throw me for another year ? I also still have the feeling that i will die young, tearing me away from the things I want to do here still and away from my loved ones.

still not sure i like the idea of dying and being seperated from my loved ones.In my mind I imagin that we go to a kind of Rivendell (tolkien) and wait in thet beautiful place until our loved ones join us and then me move on together. This makes me feel peaceful anyway.

I actually had a panic attack last night but before it lasted two hours and upset the next few days, last night i awoke with a awful feeling of doom, realised what it was, got up went to the loo on my own ( previously not possible) took some deep breaths and willing shifted the mind set, not an easy things to do, went back to bed rubbed by feet while I did some breathing exercises, lay down and went to sleep and feel fine this morning . BIG improvement.

Found the biggest stressor , is not doing the thing I know I should.

Hope to have a great week.

Thank you Thank you Thank you to all the people that love me and support me and in return i promise every day of my life in service to my loved ones.